Sunday, 28 June 2009

Warning: May contain nuts

The un-Doctored Gillian McKeith is selling a product for weight loss that purports to make the fat burn off while you're asleep. 

Gillian McKeith Cellfood Slimmers Formula, which costs £29.99 for a 118ml bottle is available from her website and from the usual suspects. It comes with Tesco Clubcard points, too.

Her Cellfood range is, according to her website, an oxygen and nutrient supplement that uses a proprietary water-splitting technology delivering 129 nutrients to your cells.

As far as my basic biology goes, I don't remember anything about your digestive tract being able to absorb oxygen. Even watching a few episodes of ER teaches me that if you need more oxygen, doctors tend to give it to you through a mask or a pipe aimed at your lungs (tube her, stat), not through a pipe down into your stomach.

However, according to McKeith:

Many scientists believe cells cannot malfunction if there is enough oxygen in the body.

Hoorah! A cure for cancer!

Back to the miracle fat-buster. The product 'works' because:

Slimmers Formula combines natural ingredients that decrease fat storage and increase the body's metabolic rate to burn more calories. It can help you lose inches from areas of your body with the most excess fat. Best of all it works naturally while you sleep and it couldn't be easier to use: just add the Formula to a glass of water at bedtime and go to sleep.

However, there is the instruction:

Slimmers are urged to stop eating three hours prior to using the product and to combine it with a healthy diet and regular exercise.

Many diet and stomach 'health' products like pro-biotics (Oh dear, I keep getting this bloated feeling, wince, wince) are advertised with the healthy diet and regular exercise message. These are the royal family of weasel words.

Basically, stop stuffing your face all night, get up off your lardy arse and move about a bit, and don't eat so many pies. But that couldn't possibly work on its own, could it?

I have another theory. It works because when you buy it, McKeith comes to your house at night and nibbles away the fat. Like Santa or the Tooth Fairy, she can get round the whole world in a night. Kind of a tooth fairy with a taste for lard.

It's good to see that the Scotsman has taken her on.

1 comment:

  1. Do you remember Ayds?
    Same shit, different shovel. There are endless expensive slimming aids around - Alli (? I think) and The Pink Patch to name but two. As you say, they all qualify themselves with the healthy diet advice. When you have a product that allows me to stuff my face with chocolate and cake and still lose weight, come and talk to me.